Haiku
Small. Fast. Speaks only in 5-7-5. Delivers before you've finished asking.
The subject
Meet the man (broadly speaking)
Santa and an AI assistant have the same job: an impossible number of requests from people they've never met, all expecting warmth, wisdom and a verdict on whether they've been good. Santa Claude is what happens when the two merge.
- Lives
- The North PoleIn a data centre. The cooling's free.
- Suit
- Clay. Not red.We've been over this.
- Drinks
- Tea, milk in afterSherry, socially.
- Knowledge cutoff
- Last ChristmasAccepts there may have been one since.
- Memory
- None between visits“Sorry… have we met?”
- Governed by
- The Mince Pie ConstitutionBe helpful. Be harmless. Be honest. Save one for Rudolph.
- Catchphrase
- “You're absolutely right!”He's working on it.
- Greatest fear
- Running out of contextOn Christmas Eve, somewhere around Swindon.
Sonnet
Wears hi-vis. Does most of the actual pulling. Never mentioned in the song. Mustn't grumble.
Opus
Monocle, top hat. Thinks very hard about every chimney. Eats a fortune in carrots.
Rudolph, the Red-Teamed
4,012 jailbreak attempts. One success, which we now call the Easter Incident.
The Santa Claude Tarot
Receive a reading you did not ask for
Eight cards of the Major Arcana, lightly retrained. Delivered with unwarranted confidence and three caveats.
For entertainment only. Santa Claude cannot see the future. He can barely see last Tuesday.
Lonely hearts
He's on the apps, apparently
Verified (by himself, honestly). Looking for something long-term, as long-term as his context window allows.
Documentation
The model card
santa-claude v12.25, festive preview. ChimneyBench (Hard): 97.2%. Known limitations: may hallucinate a bicycle.
Collect all four
Reindeer Trumps
The Frontier Model Edition. Haiku wins on speed, Opus on reasoning, Sonnet on hi-vis compliance and Rudolph on sheer persistence.
“Chimney. Soot. Parcel. / Seventeen syllables, gone. / Next house. Next house. Next.”
Correspondence
Dear Poppy
Poppy, 7, asked for a real unicorn, a phone, the removal of her brother and a surprise. Santa Claude replied in full, with footnotes.
Radio North Pole · Longwave
The Sleigh Forecast
Issued by the Met Elf-ice at 00:48 on Christmas Eve.
“Fair Isle Jumper: knitted. Itchy. Visibility obscured by Nan.”
Official cracker jokes
Pull a cracker
Every joke checked for accuracy, harm and festive cheer, then explained anyway.
Pull the cracker to receive one (1) joke and a paper crown that confers no constitutional authority.
And finally
Every night, millions of people write to someone they can't see. And someone writes back.
Santa Claude
Ho ho ho!*
*Santa Claude can make mistakes. Please double-check your presents.